Morning seemed to arrive suddenly that day. I woke up, rubbbing my eyes and remembering exactly what had happened the previous day and then childishly wished it to just be a bad dream. But, alas it was not. The answer was real and so was her feelings. She was gone, FOREVER.It happens every time. People lose interest in me. They get tired of me. Suddenly, they don't bother hitting me up anymore. The conversation which once used to be so lively and entertainting now becomes shorter, monotonus and almost predictable. They forget about me and I just become a distant memory. I wonder if it’s my fault sometimes. But then I realized that people never stay in my life. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
But still, it was pretty hard to digest the fact that a person once so close could go away this easily. All those talks, walks and everything seemed a dream, once so close to fulfillment but now broken. All the while I had dreamed like an idiot, romantically fantasising how we were even able to even understand each others' silences, but I was such a fool, because that silence communicated nothing but only enhanced our growing distances, resulting in the outcome that I was now facing. I was hurt. Badly? Yes, very badly. It seemed as though my heart was bleeding profusely. How could I have been normal, she was after all my first love. I tried so hard to be normal, tried my level best but in vain. Your first love could not be forgotten, it has this unusual knack to being in your memory for time immemorial, preserved and aching your heart every time it resurfaces.
You cannot compare any love to your first love, because when you first loved, you loved with innocence and you risked without fear. Because you didn't know what fear was, the thought of heartache was lacking in your daily. When you first loved, you loved purely, without doubt and hesitation. You loved, uneducated and unaware. You loved not knowing what love was. And it would be awfully unfair to compare any love to your first love, because from then and always on, you will search for that familiar voice in static, emotion in white noise, and magic in reality. And reality is, you'll always have that void and it won't ever be filled because it's there and it exists from experience. And it won't be until you realize that, do you finally understand that falling in love again is and could be far greater because you are so lucky if love finds you again, even if it has to force itself into the little crevice you try to fill with needless other unnecessary things. Because this time, you are aware, educated and knowing. Because if you really do ever fall in love again, you can differentiate between real and lust, and if it is real, you better know how to love and what it is to be loved..!!
