! W@nn@ Di€

Well it so happened yesterday that my friends were having a very serious

thought about the Jiah Khan suicide note. The atmosphere was all so serious that I had started to believe that all my friends knew this unfortunate lady very closely. They talked endlessly that how the suicide note was so very heart touching and that it would make even a grown up tough guy cry. But what seemed amusing to me was the fact that, I was not even disturbed by hearing this story so there's no point of feeling sad or melancholy. All this made me earn the title of a "Heartless Bitch".
So now to make them realize that I too am as human as they are and obviously not a bitch, I decided to write a suicide note myself (good measure to gain popularity posthumously or as a matter of fact even alive if you change your mind). Well to be very frank this is more kinda murder note which I am writing on behalf of my friends and foes who could not write this because of their general aversion for english and the fact that they just believe in murdering me and writing a letter for its explanation is just a waste of time.
So to start the following are the reasons why I want and more importantly people associated with me want me to bid-adieu to this mortal world.

1) Devoid Of Lady Luck:- this is the sole reason why I want to suicide. To be true this has been a perpetual problem with me from the time I had known the concept of couples (polite way of saying "the noble philosophy of KAMASUTRA"). This agony has seriously made me crazy as I have started to think of Raja Rammohan Roy as a big anti social element who by abolishing child marriage has destroyed our sole hopes of being in the company of women at this tender age; also I have now started to worship the philosophy of KHAP PANCHAYAT (only child marriage one) who are the only people who have come out openly supporting us and making public statements such as "marriages at the age of 15-16 will provide for all bodily satisfaction teens need  at this stage, and which would help us reduce the number of rape cases". Now since these people have been publicly outracised, I have no choice other than suicide suicide and suicide.

2) My unusual habit of passing comments:- Well this a reason why my friends want me to die and bless me with this queer blessing once a day, everyday. This happens so because I have this uncanny knack of smirking and making sarcastic and humorous comments on virtually anything and everything. While most of the times these make the people accompanying me burst into unstoppable stomach churning laughs, but sometimes they are not so good or even atrocious and the same people pass me looks as if they had seen me eating a chicken raw and alive with ketchup. Yeah the same look which you just had after reading the comparison. So because of such brazen acts of mine they want me to abode this green planet.

3) A Foodie whose Lazy and Miser:- This is another reason which make people think "why I don't die"? Parents and Friends specially, for the simple reason that the repercussions of this bed sticking and stomach enlarging habit of mine are borne by them. For example its very common that when we plan to contribute funds and eat, its always me contributing the least and also I keep a share in the total funds for myself in the name of commission by doing a decent bargain with the vendor (the only thing I have learnt since taking up commerce). So seeing me gain on their expenses makes them think of killing me. Adding on to this they are also jealous of my well built physique i.e  they envy the fact that how I am able to not gain weight given the extra kilos I stuff in my belly every single day while they sport this house of fat even though eating about half of what I do. But I rate this deadly combination very highly as it helps me to find ways to do things or outsource things free of cost, like if I am feeling hungry and feel like having Pizza, I would try to find a way to get it not only delivered at my doorstep but also free of cost. I will not tell you how because this is what only makes me stand out in this populous crowd of misers.

So to end this quite depressing peice of shit, I want to blame only one single person for compelling me to do suicide and i.e PM MANMOHAN SINGH, no reasons to be precise, but I am completing a formality of putting the blame on someone, otherwise it would not be treated with same respect with which others are treated. And more importantly why I blamed Manmohan Singh, its just because of the general trend which is- anything screwed up in your life blame the already rotten and tarnished government.