strEEt FIghtS....

Street fights are an imperative part of each and every Indian street. Street fighters consider themselves them nothing less than a Muhammad Ali or The Great Khali and are found in every nooks and corner of our country be it a colony of distinguished elite class or a JJ colony (jhuggi jhopri colony to be precise). The only difference being the level of abuses they use, for e.g. an elite street fighter would use words such as Hooligan, vagabond, rascal, scoundrel or bastard while at the same time a JJ colony guy would be making serious threats to rape the other guy’s mother or sister in front of everybody as if giving them a invitation to this noble cause and transform this sole performance into a gang bang.  

Now the most peculiar thing about these street fights is the amount of audience they can gather in such a short period of time without giving any prior notice to the people. These people (the audience) just stop by to rejuvenate themselves by seeing a hulk kind of a guy thrash other one whose heavily in blood. The audience consists of a hive of people who have either had a hard day in office, or are screwed and depressed because of inflation, are sufferers of insomnia because they are still single and in a grave need of a girlfriend, have badly messed up their married life or are just loafers.

Well, I happen to see one of such street fights while en-route to my coaching classes. The reason for the clash was an accident between two motor-cycles both of whose drivers were either drunk or maniacs (as I got to know). What followed was almost predictable, with each man trying to threaten the other by telling him how much people he can gather in just one call (well that even I can do it with just a text to all my friends stating “girls roaming nude in this area :P); then getting hold of each others collars succeeded by fist fight then finally ending with the intervening of a guy double their size who could get hold of both of them in at a time. I was most amazed when both these blokes called a guy each who they thought would help them beat the other bloke blue black, but what happened actually was that those “bhade k tattu” came out to be friends and somehow tried to patch up the things between them. Well this left me wondering the shortage of these big hulk like blokes in our society and “gunda gurdi” as a career option (obviously not for me, as me as a goon would look like a matchstick making claims of burning down an ocean to ashes) for such muscled Salman Khan kind of people after bollywood :P.

I would like to finally conclude by saying that these street fights apart from showing the idleness of people in our country who could waste hours of their life in watching such clashes also highlights the short sightedness and hot tempered mind of our youth who every time want to settle claims by showing their physical and financial strength and not simply by talking the matter through.

  

Aseem trivedi and the big fat indian protest

Truth be told, I didn’t find Aseem Trivedi’s cartoons all that good. They were abrasive and critical but humorous, I don’t think so. Trivedi’s bestial drawings were simple sketches (yeah I would not call them drawings because of the simple reason that they were not at all sarcastic, humorous or eye awakening) which were intended to offend. To call them cartoons is like comparing Priya Rai with Aishwarya Rai.

Gang rape of Mother India? Come on. Where’s the satire in that? Kasab, a dog urinating on the Indian constitution? Can someone please tell him that there is something known as decency. However comparing The Parliament as a toilet bowl was a clever analogy, but that was not real but just copied from an artist who had used it once in America.

Cartoons are made with the purpose of making people aware about the indecencies prevailing in the society sarcastically. Cartoons are sophisticated instruments used in humor. They cannot be understood by everybody (like our politicians) and also cannot be made by everybody (like our famous friend Aseem Trivedi).

The Problem with Trivedi’s cartoons was that they had lost their touch of humor. Insults were cheap like being taken from a C grade south Indian movie. There was nothing witty or sarcastic about it. I mean, he explained that Kasab urinating on the Constitution was that 4 years were taken to give a court verdict against a person who was accused of such a big crime. But I think it is an achievement for us and thing to be proud about that our constitution is just and fair for everyone.  He was very lucky to escape with no serious harms because with the likes of Bal and Raj Thackrey dictating the political scene of Mumbai, he could have probably landed in the Ganges in the form of ashes, it was only because there is a kind of nationalist sentiment pervasive in last few years that people who had not even seen the cartoons came out protesting against his arrest. Ironical na, that only sometimes does the government do the right thing and we come out on roads protesting.  

waaahhhhhhh!!!!!

      

environment conservation

And today again when after I returned to my class after attending another damn boring assembly made double boring by our princi’s shitty words of wisdom (I always think how much wisdom she has, to give to us everyday for about 15-20 minutes daily), I was told to take out a sheet of paper and make a “cartoon on environment conservation”. It was not because I could sketch very well but because of the fact that person sitting beside me was a cartoon, so I had to sketch him and somehow relate it to environment conservation (like write, that everybody please note that while in an attempt to produce an offspring, please take every precaution in lieu that u don’t produce such a dumb guy which would make life hell for us). Crap. But what’s more crappier is the weird things they want us to do in activity everyday in the name of environment conservation.  Everyday in the very first hour, we are utilizing our time to the best of our potential by writing some story about a Utopian society with no pollution and humans being fully aware of all ill-effects of environment degradation saving it, make every attempt possible to enrich the mother nature with no CFCs emitting appliances, electricity run vehicles etc. and most importantly the population of India being under control (Yeah seriously this is Utopian, seeing the number of perverts, population will always be a problem in India); or making advertisements about eco-friendly products that would never come into existence or writing messages to our parents to tell them to save environment by saving electricity, which I think is not possible ‘cause as it is electricity so very scarce, coming only for 1-2 hours and that too after a gap of 7-8 hours persistently, so what will they save. But the most important point is that in the name of environment conservation we ourselves, obediently and dutifully waste 3 sheets of paper everyday because our teachers are their to torture and blackmail us that I f we don’t do this we would be failed in a subject called general studies and work experience. Ooow. I feel scared not because I’m going to fail but because of the fact that whenever next time there will be an activity which I would not be doing, a new subject would just prop up like magic and I would again fail that. And after some time a point would come where the core subjects would written in a corner of our grade-sheet  and the rest of the sheet would be filled with some weird subjects and failed written on it making me resemble an outstanding failure. Ha. Well I think serious counselling should be done, to teach these teachers that class 11-12 students don't come school for this. 

mah first crush......

I come to life when I see that girl,

Her face like that of a pearl.

She prizes those beautiful deer like eyes,

That reflects her confidence n d perkiness she hides inside.

She makes me smile with her endless talks,

When beside her, time just stops.

She’s the one about whom I dream all night,

The only one with whom I just can’t fight.

Yeah, now I fully understand about those romantic sights,

That I dream at times in those sleepless nights.

My heart tells me she’s the one,

Under whose pressure I could only succumb.

She’s the one, who makes me blush,

Yeah u got it right, she’s my crush.

But, alas her heart is not mine to claim.

And for that only I am to blame.

Never told my feelings to her because of a simple threat

That by doing this, our friendship would be like a broken thread.

Inside my heart my emotions brew and brew,

And coz of this my life’s badly screwed.

The only thing I can’t understand

That when she talks with other guys in glee, I can’t withstand.

I don’t think even if she cares,

That I’m with her or not there.

But what to do she’s my crush,

                                                        The only girl who makes me blush.
                               
                                            

PyaR K $!dE eFFe(ts

                                    
Late that night I was sitting cross-legged on my couch. Staring into nothingness and wondering about the actual reason for all the shitty things that have happened in my life over the last 7-8 months. This was the first time ever I proposed a girl and she refused to reject me (mind you that already many times before I have been rejected). After analyzing and rationally judging my activities I concluded that being in a relationship has many side-effects. Now such a big idle brat I am, I decided to help my friends by sharing my adventurous and roller coaster type experience in love.

• The first and the most prevalent problem faced by guys is that they have to just cut away from their social circle. This often results in long lasting friendships broken in seconds. This is because of our habitual practice of indulging in vulgar talks with our friends and abusing each others mother and sisters in all possible circumstances. All this leads to a very ludicrous or absurd situation where we can’t abuse but we also can’t resist abusing because of the high degree of obsession with those kinds of words like “BC” and “MC”. Now to overcome this problem and to gift ourselves a prolonged relationship we ignore our friends and cut away from our immediate peer circle.

• Another big problem faced by me during my relationship period was that of gifts. A guy in a relationship would always dread from this single word “gifts”. Be it any occasion or any time of the year, girls would never leave an opportunity to ask for a gift. And most peculiar thing about this is that they always love to be gifted with stuff toys like teddies. It often leaves me wondering its better being a teddy than a boyfriend as it gives you the opportunity to get cuddled with those soft sweet hands and being kissed gently and to escape those awkward moments when we have to just shell out money so as to keep them happy.

• We all know that girls our either dumb (literally dumb) or shrewd when it comes to handling relationships. Now in both cases for an average with not a very high level of IQ (like me), the after effects of being in a relationship can be drastic and the results catastrophic. Dumb girls make our life hell by cracking all those heart piercing PJ’s and by those idiotic immature talks. Now if we don’t listen and comment on it they would get upset and the vicious cycle of giving gifts and saying sorry begins. In case your girlfriend is shrewd and utilizes you to your best of the capability, I just don’t have words to describe that feeling. The feeling of knowing of how screwed your life has become but still not able to do anything. I am lucky that till date I have never dated such a girl in my life so cant really describe the experience.

• The most ferocious of all the side effects is that you become so familiar with the word “sorry” because of its repetitive use that whatever be the situation, sorry just blurts out of your mouth even if you would have wanted to thrash that other guy. You become so humble and down to earth kind of guy and all your attitude is just blown away in just a couple of days entering into a relationship. This is mostly annoying when you are a kind of guy who usually does not compromise much but have to do so in front of girlfriends. Yeah girl power, I know, result of high level of women empowerment. Screw those female protagonists and feminists.

• Another problem faced by me was that of sex. As my friends would know how big sex enthusiast I’m and how deeply I advocate the philosophy of sex in my friend circle. The problem was I was not able to catch on the pornography action and also could not have sex (would not have been ethical otherwise I was always ready) so was always dissatisfied and melancholy. So as an adviser to all of you I would suggest, be committed only if you could contain yourself within your limits. 

    

Now after suffering from all those side effects myself I could now very well understand why those guys were so happy just after few days of breakup. Until now I just thought that they were just showing off how cool they are and acting as if they are not worried about the girl and are stress free. After my scratchy relationship, I am now totally aware of the feeling of getting very much excited to have a girlfriend and very much relived after breakups. Now I fully understand the whole concept of breakup parties and the actual meaning of the famous Hindi phrase “SHADI KE LADOO JO KHAYE WO B PACHTAYE AUR JO NA KHAYE WO B PACHTAYE”.

Hope that this post of mine would help my readers (yes, yes I know that I’m exaggerating a bit too much about having readers) in their relationships, as they would already know the various effects they would have to face and would try to be careful.

Aliens in my life

Now don’t get pissed of by having a look through the title of the blog, remarking that this foolish and contemptible guy is  yet another sci-fi geek who is there to elaborate upon the fact of the presence of aliens and has started from where that weird paranoid oldie Stephen Hawking left. However in reality I’m just opposite type of guy who usually smirks and looks around the beautiful things lord almighty has in store for us, mind you it only represents those dolls (dumb and beautiful girls) and dames, while such kinds of lectures are going on in class. Now I would like to clarify that this post is on those guys who, I don’t know how, have become an indispensable part of my life but are not tolerable for more than 2 to 3 hours a day. Now some of the common characteristics of these guys are:-

1.       These guys are an easy target for crooks like me who want to get their work done from someone without taking any pain. Often they are themselves responsible for the mind numbing toil they have to do and that to, for either doing someone else’s work (because they easily succumb under the pressure of their friends) or as punishment. Calling them “a chu****” would be an understatement, so that’s why the word ALIEN (unfamiliar and disturbing).

2.       You can expect them to commit a big faux pas (social blunder). Sometimes they would be like very subtle and low as if they have been left for dead and at other times so very much excited, gay cheerful and happy about everything in life. They are seriously very, very difficult to understand and endure.

3.       These guys sometimes make you laugh even in the hardest of times but can also make you a murderer (kill him for his joke) in split of a second by cracking a damn killer PJ or make you think “is he from earth only or someone from Mars” or “what a heinous crime his father has committed by reproducing such an offspring”. They can become a serious problem for their parents when they attain a marriageable age if they are not, if not good than at least decent looking. This is so, because as it is they are as stupidly obstinate as a person could be, and on top of that are not at all good looking or sexually appealing. In most of the other cases it is not so i.e. the mental stability and intelligence of a person covers up the fact of not being striking and handsome. But quite ironically they think of themselves as super studs and go to despicable deaths of stupidity and dumbness. For example, if a somewhat sexy girl is quite staring at him (in disgust), they would think that she has fallen for her and boasts about it to every other guy who he would meet as tough he has got a night out with Katy Perry. In front of girls they would talk only about girls and girls(to rise in the eyes to the passive listner) and would pretend to know each and every girl (from a geek to the sexiest) in his locality, which once again get him tagged as a Chu or even a women smuggler. These people often become a headache for me and I think of smacking their ass to make it so sour that it becomes extremely difficult for them to even pee. The most common phrase that I think is suitable for them is to “get stuffed”.

4.       Apart from being stupid they are big-mouthed and highly self obsessed. They are most likely to make such a statement in the public which would land them in trouble and then they will come running after us for help, saying phrases like “bhai kand ho Gaya” or “lanka lag gayi bhai”. They often exaggerate the situation much and get their low-blowed after we come to know the actual position. This usually makes him the laughing stock among his friends. The most humorous part of their character is that they take advice from their friends on a task after doing that work. Or would take advice on not much important topics, and giving advice to them, make me feels like wasting time for the first time in my life. One regular feature of these guys are that they mostly run after a girl who has had already dumped them, and that too not once or twice but many times,and after sometimes i.e after a year or so be abusing her and asking help from their friends to help them make that “spinster” feel jealous or seek help to nail that “filthy bitch” in public.

Seriously guys’, having such a friend is like suffering an exasperating setback in your life. But what to do, as mentioned earlier they have become an indispensable part of my life. So to maintain an amicable relationship with these aliens, the only good thing in their personality from which I am benefited (except from their dumbness because of which most of my work is completed) is that they are pure at heart. 

P.S:please don’t kill me guys after reading this.

Pros and Cons of having a

 sexy teacher in your school…..

Just imagine what would happen if a teacher in your school is as sexy as Katrina Kaif or Emma Watson, having a perfect figure, fair skin and priceless assets? Will we be able to study, focus (mind you it means on academics and not on that sexy lass teaching you) or understand the ever so dull, uninteresting and incomprehensible text of those books, which we have to unnecessarily carry to school each day, even though knowing the fact that its just holy shit. This is the only time we not only find our books imparting and imbibing more knowledge but interesting to us than ever and rambling of teachers first time sounds somewhat good. Only when a teacher as sexy as her is teaching we are not bored in the class and for first time in our whole school life we find the length of period shorter than usual (except for the games period obviously).

Now coming back to the point of a young beautiful and horny lady teaching you, the following can be the major consequences apart from repeating the class again and again due to lack of concentration in studies during exam times (doesn’t matter how many bottles of Bengali churan finish in 1 day to raise your memorizing power and concentration power):

·         One of the most probable consequences can be a male teacher or a student itself, with high level of testosterone overflowing, flirting with her. Now obviously, as a by product the student would loose his focus from studies and the high level of flirting would cost the male counterpart his job. But as they say we have to pay a price for everything in life.

·         Now second on the probability list would be a student doing a stupid thing, like taking pictures that of ma’am through his cell phone, by making a hole in the newspaper while pretending to be reading it (now that’s clever and such an idea can come in the devil mind of a pervert guy like me only), and getting suspended or even rusticated from school, if caught.

·         The third most probable after effect of recruiting such a teacher could be, doing really silly things, which a person would not even dream of, unknowingly. An example of it could be, that suppose she is explaining an abbreviation “KB” (kilo bytes) in the class room, and making the students write its full form. A child pervert in nature, who is busy analyzing the assets of teacher and comparing it with that of other hot girls in the school, writes “B= beautiful big b***s” and gives the notebook for correction. Now all of us can very well imagine the fruits his wild imagination and his analyzing and comparing power would bear him.

·         It is also possible, that there are gang fights in school, so as just to make a macho man image in the eyes of her. Now it’s one of the least probable consequences and comes on the last of the probability list. But the point of mentioning it is, you don’t know the mentality of boys, and it is human nature often of boys to do anything and up to any extent to catch attention of others, specially hot and beautiful girls.        

Above mentioned were the negative after effects on students, just because of a simple mistake done by the principle of the school to recruit such a person. It will not be shocking if some one reveals that it was not a mistake but favor done by the princi on the sexy and beautiful lass.

After describing so much about the ill effects of having a sexy teacher in school, the only reason which comes to my mind in favor of that woman, who has committed no mistake except for being sexy, is :-

·         Having a sexy teacher teach someone would motivate that person to do well and be her blue eyed boy. A sexy teacher would encourage him do well in class and study as if she would be giving him a smooch for his hard work. These boys come in the categories of ones who would like to see Stephen Hawking give a boring lecture through his talking computer on you tube then doing something productive or reproductive during his adolescence age.

·         Another positive effect of such a woman teaching you is that the number of students bunking the student’s decreases drastically and you can also think of having full attendance sitting in the class. Now that’s really cool, going by the usual standards.

I very well know how vague and inappropriate the point this is. But what to do, if I had not written all this, then young and beautiful girls aspiring to be teachers would kill me. Even now I would be beaten blue and black by those perverted minds reading this, who would beat me till every bone of mine, is not broken into thousands of pieces as I had the audacity to reveal their secrets and that too in an exaggerating manner. I am a born rascal. At the end I would like to state that all these things are applicable to all the sexes present in our country except for those who fall in the category of B and T in the LGBT Act. 

eFFeCTS of bREAK-up on the Masculine COunTerPart

Stone hearted, tough, less emotional; generally these are words used to describe a guy in a relationship. There are several myths in people’s mind that boys are not that sensitive towards their relationship or fully committed towards a relationship as the girls are. It more often believed that the root cause of a break-up is the cold and uninterested attitude of the boys.It is because of this attitude they cannot have an amicale relationship, they assume. More often it is also believed that there is hardly any psychological effect of break up on us (boys).

Now let’s clear our mind of all that crap, and have this thing implanted in it forever. Males are as committed and sensitive towards a relationship as females are and are as much hurt as girls are because of a relationship break-up.

Now let us see how deeply the masculine gender is affected by a break-up and sometimes even more than their feminine counterparts

.

Girls generally sulk very much; cry their heart out, talk with their friends about the breakup and etc etc which helps them to bring down the psychological pressure off their minds and after a small period of time, and be normal again (i.e. to look for a new guy who can dump him again). Girls can also share their pain with their family members (only sisters and understanding brothers, less chances with parents). But these cannot be a rehab option for the, as often siad "the stone hearted guys". Some may say this is all because of the masculine ego that comes in the way. But all of this is shit. Now let us practically see why males do not have the above choices:-

1.       .)Most of the girls are impressed with the boys’ macho look. Thus sulking and crying and all that doesn’t go with the image. And if we do; our future is screwed big time (matlab apne friend circle me to koi milne se rahi……in short katta). Thus is not at all a feasible option.

2.       .)If we guys go and chat with our friends about our break up, the first comment that would be lined up….. chu**** kat gaya saa** ka, apna katwa k aaya hai, dum ni tha bandi patai hi kyu ghochu…… I don’t think this is a feasible option at all, i.e. you would not like to get abused at such a time. Thus we cannot even talk to our friends about it to ease down the pressure.

3.      .) Many a time’s guys are blamed for an unsuccessful relationship, which quite absurd and amusing to me as why cant girls be the reason for a relationship failure. Are all girls pure at heart, cant they have certain issues (which does not involve any of the boys mistake) due to which a relationship is called off. 

Thus I feel that all this prejudice about guys that they are the whole and sole reason of a sour or unsuccessful relationship is totally crap. So what do you feel about this whole issue? Are boys really the whole and sole reason of a breakup?

P.S: no offence to girls except a few…..and not because of personal grudges. Not applicable to all types of girls in this ever expanding universe……

CCE- Continuous and Comprehensive evaluation/ Chu**** Ckatao evaluation……………?                                                                                                           

Kapil Sibbal and his team of renowned educationists (do not take it seriously) in the year, 2009 came out with a superb plan to reduce the burden of education on students. He changed the system altogether. With the introduction of CCE in the schooling, system a child has less chances of failing the exams or u can say, “Uske latakne k chances bahut kam ho jate hai”. Now seeing it as an optimist, you can say that it reduces the burden of children and tries to inculcate good values in the children. This will reduce the number of suicide cases in the country by students who have flunked or have badly screwed their exams. They try to give more and more stress on the moral values of the child and blah blah…….

But is this really happening?   

Analyzing it practically we come to know that actually marks are given in an unbiased way only in exams conducted by the school. The child gets all those weird grades in those unorthodox categories in a prejudiced and a partial way. The teacher only gives good grade to his/her blue-eyed boy. Take for instance if a guy has a good image in the eyes of the teacher he would get all the A+’s, even if does not deserve it. And believe me it really happens and I am not exaggerating it too much or making bogus statements. In addition, even if a teacher does not give grades in a haphazard manner are these teachers really qualified enough to give us grades in categories like behavior with friends, social circle, and leadership. There is a big question mark over the competency of the teachers in this respect?

Moreover, given the things, which we are supposed to be doing under this scrap system like gardening and all, are we really learning even a single thing out of this? We only complete a formality (as if we are working in a government office) as get good grades by teachers. By having a look at my report card, any one would think of me as a very talented child, which is obviously a joke.

Even tough it has been applauded by many teachers and educationists, I as a student still feel that this very vague solution to the excessive burden on the student life. I do not think it has acted as a stress buster in students’.They still feel the normal pressure and many a times even more. However, who will teach these pigheaded politicians, and tell them that as it is u have made the political system of our country hollow, by acting as pests; please don’t play with our futures, don’t ruin our life.

Kapil G are u listening?